Last year when I left, I had a completely different feeling than now. I was simultaneously in a state of happiness and a state of sadness. I felt like an era was ending. Like things would never be the same.
Now, I feel differently. I realize life doesn’t have simple little chapters that you open and shut. Things are more entangled. I’m still friends with my companions from high school.
So when I finish college, I won’t suddenly embark on a new life. It’ll be the old life entangled with a new life. Just like what’s happening now. But geography is catching up to me. I can’t just visit back and forth easily. It leads to a more schizophrenic existence. What happens when I’m done with college? Where will I live?
To be perfectly honest, I’m not happy at all about going back. I’m dreading it. Before I was just anxious about flying (well, not flying, just going through security at the airport) and frustrated that no one sympathized with my anxiety. Now, it’s full-blown anxiety about leaving. What’s annoying is that there’s no transition period. It’s just — boom! — suddenly I’m on the other side of the country.
I feel as if I should have mixed feelings. Like, I should be looking forward to going back somewhat. Yet, I’ve recently found myself once again second-guessing my decision not to transfer. I just can’t bring myself to be optimistic.
That’s all I have to say for now. I’ll see all of you on the other side. Updates may be non-existent for a day or two (or three?). I know I don’t like to say that I’m going to make an entry on something in the near future because it usually never materializes, but I’d like to further examine the term “Islamofascism.”