Unusually Quiet

I’ve been unusually quiet, considering the importance of this election. I haven’t been writing enough. Instead of writing about politics, I’m going to take a little time to write about myself.

I was probably feeling best about myself over summer. I enjoyed my job, and I was doing a lot of reading. I was learning a lot. I was working on being a positive and confident person. However, I was very afraid of losing that when I went back to Hopkins. I thought that confident guy would disappear.

He kind of did. Through September and October, he started fading. I felt less confident about myself. I got that old feeling of being “adrift” and not knowing what to do with myself. But now, I’ve been working on focusing on the positive. I’ve been trying to become the person I want to be, and not dwell on my mistakes. Slowly, I’m becoming even better than that person was in the summer. My confidence is stronger now.

I’m also filled with a renewed sense of purpose. I know that I can’t get away from politics. That’s what I want to do. It dropped out of my life for a while, for some reason. Maybe I was afraid of what it might do to my soul, or maybe I was just afraid that I wasn’t cut out for it. So I’m going to have to do the requisite studying and talk to the people who’ve been there.

I’ll be honest, I want to work my way up to President. If you’ve been reading this weblog since the beginning, you’ve probably heard that before. What’s different is this time I want to do the work. I want to work for the people, and deserve to serve them.

I am a fan of Henry Clay, the Great Compromiser. I want to be able to bring that kind of approach to my political career.

I’m going to study, study, study, and work on my oratory. More importantly, I’m going to work on becoming a more virtuous person. That is most important, for a public servant. Everyday, I’m going to work on becoming a better person and working towards my goal. I need to refine my writing, through constant practice, as well. I’m going to find places to publish. I’m also going to need to find the right people, who’ll help me on this journey. I need people with a deep respect for the truth, and for the American people. And they need to be smarter than me on the issues (not too hard to do). They’ll also have to keep me grounded, and make sure I don’t lose my moral grounding or become narcissistic or desire power for power’s sake.

I’m really, really going to have to get over my fear of asking people for help. I have to build up a network of people.

I already have one friend signed up for the ride, who wants to be involved, behind the scenes in politics. I told her, “Tell me the truth, no matter what, and we’ll change the world.” I’m excited.

An image just popped into my head. It’s from a book I read this year, but I don’t remember which one. It’s an image of a person throwing their sack over the wall, thus committing to going over that wall. Here I am. This is the path I’ve chosen. There’s no turning back now. And when I feel doubt (as I most definitely will), I will simply have to put one front in the other and force myself to move forward.

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