Five days isn’t that long. I’ve read that it takes 30 days to develop a habit. I’ve also read that that statistic is total bullshit. Regardless, it isn’t too surprising that within five days, I haven’t turned into this amazing industrious machine. At this university, I’ve tended to cultivate an image of not being a hard-worker. I live on the edge, writing essays the morning they’re due and then getting an A- anyway. I don’t do half the reading I’m supposed to. I’ve never read Immaneul Kant, despite it being required in two separate philosophy classes. That’s the image I’ve given, and sometimes I actually live up to it. (Confession: I have actually tried to read Kant. I’ve frustrated myself reading and re-reading certain passages, comparing them with my notes, until I finally understood them.) It’s unsurprising that I’ll have to work hard to change this aspect of my character, which I’ve been practicing for almost 3 and a half years now. I have to cultivate a different image. See even now, I’m embarrassed to admit all the hard work I put into understand Kant. On the one hand, you want people to think things are easy for you. Yet at the same time, you don’t want to cultivate the image of a slacker.

Now where was I? Ah yes, five days. Yesterday, I woke up at 10AM. I didn’t do anything productive until after 1PM. Most of that time was just surfing the internet. However, I kept looking down at my left hand and I felt guilty. This didn’t stop me, but I think it’s an improvement. At least now I’m mindful of being a lazy bastard, instead of feeling guilty after-the-fact. Actually, my hand didn’t even have anything written on it, but I still was mindful. It wasn’t a completely wasted day, in fact. I submitted a story of mine to a digital magazine run by some students at this school. Who knows if it’ll be selected, but at least I’m putting things out there. I also read an RFK speech aloud, in order to work on oratory.

Today, I turned on the television after waking up at 12PM. All the college football games looked uninteresting. This does not normally stop me from plopping myself on the couch and watching football all day. I managed to do some laundry and finish a book, Revolutionary Characters, about the Founders.

I’m encouraged. I think I’m making baby steps towards my goal of changing my character. In my journal, back when I just started this experiment (day 2?), I was very discouraged. However, I know that focusing on the negative cannot result in a change in character. Keep telling yourself, “I should stop being lazy,” but you’ll never actually stop because all that’s on your mind is how lazy you are. You have to praise your positive activities, and not harp on the negative actions. So, after reminding myself, I wrote that I did a good job focusing on reading my book when I turned away from my computer. This from doing reading that took three times as long as it should’ve been. I chose not to focus on that and focus on those moments when I was able to be productive. That’s what I’m going to keep on doing, using this weblog as a tool to keep myself on track.

I’m going to keep up this experiment at least until the end of the month. That means 15 days more to be more mindful about industriousness.