Agnoiologist

I re-read my entire notebook for this year. I suppose I should call it a journal or a diary, but it’s less about logging my life and more about logging my notes. Semantics aside, I highly recommend keeping a journal. As Socrates said, “An unexamined life is not worth living.” Re-reading the notebook, which began in mid-December of 2007, allowed me to enter a state of hyper-self-awareness. I know who I am, and I know where I’ve been.

It was interesting seeing how I was an emotional wreck during April and then pulled myself out of it through asserting my agency, or focusing on what I could control.

The main theme of 2008 was “positivity.” I forced myself to focus on the positive rather than the negative. If I wanted to improve myself, I had to focus on what I did well, rather than what I did wrong. In addition, if problems arose, I had to force myself to ask, “What’s the solution?” Besides “positivity,” the other key phrase I kept seeing pop up was “solution-oriented.” Because of my focus on these related concepts, I believe I am now a better person than I was at the beginning of 2008. In fact, reading through the entries, the me of January 2008 seems like a completely different person. This is akin to reading weblog entries from several years ago; my mind used to work in a completely different fashion. My worldview at the end of the year is way different. I suppose this isn’t unsurprising for a 21 year old to change like that, but I like this version of myself way better.

I know that being an optimist does not come naturally to me. I was not born an optimist, and I was rather pessimistic at the beginning of 2007 (worried about war with Iran). I thought it would be a bad year. I was more positive at the beginning of 2008, but now the habit of positivity has been strengthened.

I learned something about “habit.” I used to throw the word around, but I didn’t really know what it meant. A habit is something that requires active management. It’s not that I have this permanent habit of positivity. I have to recommit to being a positive, solution-oriented person each and every day.

One of my resolutions was to read at least 50 books on the year. I accomplished that. I’ll give you all the list later. I’m proud of the reading that I’ve done, mostly because I’ve learned a lot from the books I’ve read. They’ve helped improve my life and my life-philosophy.

I wanted to accomplish a lot for 2008, whatever that means. I wanted concrete achievements. I once again slipped with The Chalkboard Manifesto. I mean, I updated way more consistently and started the blog, but I don’t have any profits or merchandise. It’s disappointing, but I won’t dwell on it.

Honestly, I’d much rather have what I do now than a little extra cash or popularity. I don’t really know how to explain what this “it” is. It’s a whole different way of thinking. It’s my different patterns of thought. It’s my more confident demeanor. It’s my optimism. It’s my commitment to self-improvement. It took a year to build. It took a year of great gains and big back-slides. It took a year of tiny steps backward and tiny steps forward. The end result was a revolution.

I’ll be busy over the next few days, so I’m not sure when I’ll get the chance to write what I want to do for 2009. So I’m just going to write what I can now.

For some reason, I like to name my years. I’m not quite sure when this started. Some years it’s more helpful than others. For 2009, I’m christening it the Year of Discipline. I will develop an evolving list of “Iron Laws,” which I will follow in order to make myself a more virtuous person. My conception of “virtue” extends beyond ethics. I’m going to make myself a more excellent human being. I am committed to being a better, more disciplined person by the end of the year.

I do have concerns about being too robotic. But this year, I want to make a point to take myself a little more seriously than normal. A little less of the absurd attitude. In writing, it’s better to learn and master the rules before you begin breaking them. With ethical precepts, you should first have a good moral compass before you break with certain ethical commands for a greater good. This year I err on the side of discipline rather than freedom.

The initial list will be called the “Iron Laws.” This is meant to evoke an image of them being unyielding and rigid. I’m kind of following Gracian’s idea to “let your own dictates be stricter than the precepts of any law” (aphorism 6). I’ll take this metaphor a little futher. The laws are more like swords than chains. As I smash these laws up against reality, they will chip and some will break. So although there will be discipline, I’ll still be testing and these “laws” will evolve through time — hey, kind of like real laws. The point, at first, is just to get a list started. You can’t edit what you don’t have written down, after all.

I’m also considering a list of “exercises.” I want to improve my writing and speech-making. I’ll have to commit to daily/weekly activities in order to get the necessary practice time.

I also have two resolutions which I shall not share with anyone, at this point in time.

Today is not the revolution. In fact, I won’t be able to point to a bloody day of revolution. It’ll be like 2008 with the leaps forward and backward slides. But by the end of the year, I will be a completely different person than the one who is currently writing this entry. I will be more disciplined and more virtuous, while retaining my positivity.

“I was really inspired by everybody’s mustaches, so when Shaun threw me the ball I had to spike it as hard as I could in honor of mustache magic.” — David Baas

Mustache magic, hahaha.

From my notebook, in late November:

“Whatever happens, happens. Failure happens. Live with it. The point isn’t that you’ll never feel melancholy. The point is that you remind yourself it’s temporary, and force yourself to stay on track.”

From my notebook in August:

“A lawyer turned politician? How boring! I want my biography to jump off the page.”

Note: That last sentence originally came first, but I switched it for this weblog.

From my notebook in late April:

“To break away from the drudgery of routine, you need to open yourself up to other people.”

That’s something I need to remember when I go back to school in late January.

Well, only one final left. I’ve already written 30 pages worth of essays, and co-wrote a report for a computer programming project. I’ve barely studied for that last final too. Yeah, it’s a rough life, haha. Almost done. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Heck, it just might be beginning to look like Christmas.

I have this idea to post all of my essays from previous years on this web site. Maybe I can tell if I’ve improved or not.

Note to future self:

This is why, when people ask me, “Have you gotten to [some political appointee]?” I tell them that the real goal is to network with the career bureaucrats just below and around that appointee. That’s why I love briefing SESers (senior executive service) and top-line general service players in government conferences. Give me a room of 500 of these players, and you’ve got a serious quorum of influencers.

Link: Thomas Barnett, Wrote it many times, now confirmed by research.

I just updated to WordPress 2.7. Well, you guys can’t see anything new. But for anyone who uses WordPress, they’ll know that 2.7 is sexy as hell.

I asked my friend Lance if I could reprint this note he had on facebook. He agreed, so here it is. I am a paper and pen kind of person; I would never bring a laptop to class. Yet I do agree that the way we teach and the way we test, especially, seems kind of primitive. Anyway, I still have an essay to finish. I’ll write my own comments on this later.

pen and paper technology - is that it?

As I study for my last final in school, NeuroAnatomy, I revert back to taking notes with a pen, writing bullets and key points and drawing arrows. I now realize that I only do this because it will make me pass the test. I am only allowed to be tested with the ancient tools of a pen and paper.

The test is not about whether or not I have the ability to understand concepts in NeuroAnatomy, nor is it really about NeuroAnatomy. Rather, it is about seeing if I can digest information using the tools the teacher finds most attractive, the pen and paper, and if I can represent that information using those same tools. What the hell is that? There’s not much I can show you about the brain with a pen and a piece of paper…

I have realized that I can learn anything I want and it’s definitely not a matter of passing tests. All it’s about is digesting information and piecing it together in a way that reveals a new truth about the world. And trying to create tools better than a pen and a paper to discover or recreate information.

I will do diligence in writing my notes with my pen on my lined sheets of paper because I will be tested and only allowed to use a pen and a paper. If I were only allowed to use images and conversation, I would practice communicating with other people about the answers to fabricated problems, just so I could pass that test. But let it be known, this doesn’t get me any closer to understanding “NeuroAnatomy”, it just teaches me how much better I can make it for other people learning NeuroAnatomy.

I would rather be tested by seeing if I could program an application that showed how cell signaling worked in the limbic system or how the visual system constructs images. Or to see if I could rewrite the NeuroAnatomy textbook using today’s amazing programming frameworks and Wikipedia, so that it made more sense, or to see if I could aggregate all the data on the internet about NeuroAnatomy to allow students to learn better. That would show you much more whether or not I knew NeuroAnatomy.

LoL

Ever think about how you hardly ever remember anything complex by writing it down? Some day we’ll be teachers and students won’t be using pens and paper anymore, or even a text editor on the computer which just postpones the learning problem. We need interactive and engaging experiences to really understand anything important.

There was an interesting description of the useless kind of practice in Talent is Overrated. He describes a golfing session where he just hits the balls around, without any plan on what to work on. While this kind of practice can maintain a certain skill level, it is not a path for improvement.

I see the same thing with my essays. I’m just writing things, but I’m not really responding to any feedback I get. In fact, I fear my skills have regressed because I just rediscovered that I should be writing outlines.