I’m having trouble keeping track of time. I’m living life day-by-day, with no weekly or monthly goals. My calendar for June is empty. It’s a huge change from the days when I was living for the end of finals. My life before then was characterized by deadline after deadline. As of now, I’ve transitioned from the free feeling of after-graduation to the adrift feeling of having no ultimate direction in life.
Part of the solution is pretty obvious. I need more structure in my life and I need to set some long-term goals with dates on them.
The big looming issue is the whole “what career do you want to pursue” thing. That I’m still unsure how to answer, or how to work towards an answer, or if I even need an answer.
Shawn, the most dangerous thing people do at your stage of life is to make a formative but wrong decision based on a FEELING that they should make a decision NOW and not later.
There is one life pursuit out there for you that is best. There are a million that are not the best. An awful lot of these will make your life miserable and unfulfilled.
Nobody is going to tell you what your ideal life pursuit is. They will tell you instead that you should be what they want you to be. Don’t listen to them. Your life is yours right now. Hold onto it. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. It is your life.
This is what I did. I was under pressure from all sides. My parents wanted me to be a professional moneymaker. My counselors wanted me to be a well-oiled cog in the machine. The military wanted me to kill for them. I screamed “Bullshit!” and ran. I took myself back to zero and started over.
You need to find the ability to appreciate being able to lose track of time. Going back to zero requires this. This is a precious gift. Those who have trapped themselves cannot do this. There are people younger than you who will never experience losing track of time for the remainder of their lives. They are lost. They are cogs. They will never escape the machine.
They despise people like you and they want you to join them. Don’t.
Instead, go outside. Observe systems. Systems are everywhere. In nature. In society. When you finally understand a system, you become rooted and then step confidently toward understand the next system.
When you feel directionless, you are simply not examing systems deeply enough. Systems are infinite. From macro to micro. Systems are how he world works. Some are perfect. Some are nightmarish. We all have an inate ability to repair systems. That is why we are here. Life is the antithesis of entropy.
Study systems and take yourself back to zero. Discard the bullshit you have been fed all your life and understand systems. There is no hurry. It can take years.
Your life belongs to you. Remember that.
The day will come when you realize what it is you want to become. It will just come to you. As sure as night and day, as true as an arrow in flight, it will come to you. You will want to persue it. You will be driven by an insatiable desire from within.
This is the pathway to true happiness. Relax. Enjoy your life. Don’t yeild to pressure. The day will come.
One more thing. While you are waiting for the day, you must continue to study systems. Your life has a purpose. Don’t throw it away in idleness or hedonism. Study systems. Your incredible mind will put together the things you learn to build a pathway to your future that you will never tire walking down.