Fiona is smiling and “talking” which is just so much fun. Her crying is more varied and expressive — she makes noises that are upset but not crying — but I still have trouble telling the difference between tired, hungry, and bored. She finds it really amusing when I scat. It’s so bizarre. It so far never fails to make her smile. She doesn’t laugh, but she has behavior that seems to indicate she finds it funny. I found this out after shuffling through various weird noises playing with her IKEA bug mobile. I always wondered about those studies that infer a lot of baby behavior just based on how long they stare, but babies really do stare really hard at things they find interesting.
I’m currently looking for a new job, which at this stage is mostly answering emails and talking to recruiters. A few things look promising.
I’m still teaching this year, although I feel less prepared than usual. I want to make changes to the curriculum. It’s hard, though, to reify my ideas/wants. I’ve had trouble making the time to do this between baby-care and the phone calls. The calls don’t take up much time, but they really disrupt the day. It’s also difficult not to experience some amount of anxiety before and after, which doesn’t me get on track. (I suppose some anxiety is natural because of the stakes and I’m early in the process so I’m still stumbling. I also just usually experience anxiety about talking on the phone though.)
My parents might move, which is something that hangs over my head but I usually try to ignore.
I’ve also lost a few family members semi-recently (my last grandmother and Stevie’s uncle) and I’ve barely let myself feel bad about it. I didn’t have a great relationship with my grandmother, but it still sucks.
When it comes to politics, I feel like I’ve picked up a lot of vocabulary. However, I don’t feel like my actions necessarily live up to my principles, nor do I feel like my principles are well thought-out. I credit twitter with a lot of learning, but in a lot of ways, it’s probably holding me back from thinking deeper. I often think about taking a break, but I never pull the trigger. I wanted to do Lent. That did not happen. I’m also often tempted to just delete everything off my phone altogether. I can’t switchover to a dumb phone, though, because I need maps. I have no sense of direction. (See, I always think of exceptions.) Or maybe I should ditch the phone altogether because it’s essentially a tracking device? I should read more books — to think deeper, and to model being a reader for Fiona.
I don’t think I’ve mentioned here that I do a podcast. It’s called TV Analysis with Whisper and Trouble, and it’s on iTunes. Me and Jason talk about TV shows that we watch. We try to focus more on discussing themes than on recaps and nitpicking. It’s not bad, in my opinion. If we kept at this for like two years, I think we could be really good.