“In the age of the internet attaching a famous name to your personal opinion to give more weight to it is a very valid strategy.” – Benjamin Franklin
Is there a multiverse? Does time really exist? Or are there parallel timelines constantly branching off one another? If I had decided things differently, does another me exist who made those decisions?
I suppose that most people speculate about alternate universes after a major decision. Is there another me who married her, and is he happy? Does another me live in San Antonio? What if I had majored in art instead of business? And so on. I never do that.
My only speculation about parallel universes comes when I almost drop something. I wonder: Is there another universe where I dropped my laptop instead of barely catching it? That other me must be cussing up a storm. I always try to imagine how he must feel. Then, I think of all the times I’ve almost dropped things and I bet there’s a universe where I drop fucking everything. That would be annoying.
Race is very important to me. I’m voting for Barack Obama because he’s half-white, just like me.
I just finished my last final. I completed the test a bit early, so I had to sit there. He said we could draw, so I drew some dinosaurs with party hats on the back of the test. I think my professor will be confused because I didn’t have time to draw the party.
Wow, video games are getting more and more complex. I started Super Smash Brothers: Brawl and wanted to try a COIN Match. It was rough. Once the Goombas suicide bombed my embassy, I decided to call it quits.
As I reflect on the academic year, I realize that I only have one accomplishment of worth: Winning the Guess the TV Theme Show competition with my roommate Keith. That will be the story I tell to my grandkids. I just think it’s sad that by that time, the robots will have killed all the humans.
In eating competitions, the dominant Kobayashi has only been defeated thrice in his career: once by a giant, once by a bear, and once by an AMERICAN!
In reference to this comic on conspiracy theorists, I got this email:
I stumbled on your comic “do you know why we’re in Iraq” and am having difficulty understanding.
Do you mean to say that Iraq is a diversion from the proposed North American Union?
Do you think “conspiracy theorists” is a functional way to describe someone? What does it mean?
Ps. learn more about 9/11
After a laugh, I sent this thoughtful reply:
North American Union? Don’t make me laugh.
The American military invasion of Canada is imminent.
Sometimes I see things on facebook, especially the political, and I think, “Wow, these kids are morons.” And then I quickly realize that shit, these kids are my age. Hopefully, the moronic ones are limited to the facebook vocal.
Christian Scientists Show Climate Change Linked to Gay Marriage
(just thought this up, sounds like a good Chalkboard Manifesto)
Out of every 100 people you meet, nine will be assholes who don’t like Abraham Lincoln: President’s Day Favorables: Lincoln 91%, Washington 84%.
Out of every 100 people you meet, sixteen will be assholes who don’t like George Washington.
Now, I’m trying to figure out, who are the 7 assholes who approve of Lincoln, but don’t approve of George Washington
Alright, alright… it isn’t actually that bad. If you look to the left, the numbers don’t add up to 100. Apparently, 5% of people have no opinion of Lincoln, and 10% of people have no opinion of George Washington. Wait, a second, did I say “not actually that bad”? Isn’t that worse?
Here’s some facebook statuses related to snow…
- Grace is enjoying the snow day.
- Dave is SNOW DAY! SNOW DAY! SNOW DAY!
- Rahul is SNOW DAY?!?!
- Priya is rejoicing for her first snow day ever!!!
- Bill is really, really happy about this snow.
- Sarah is excited for this surprise Valentine’s Day Snow Day!
- Dan is free from the chains of hopkins today.
- Aditi is so happy about the snow day!!!
- Megan is experiencing her first day of cancelled classes because of SNOW!
- Daniel is psyched about the SNOW DAY.
- Ethan is thinking about snow football.
- Shawn is SNOW DAY!!!
When we were watching the Super Bowl, I made an announcement to my friends at the table: “Gentlemen, you are witnessing history. Tonight, one man will walk away, the first black head coach to ever lose a Super Bowl.”
Today on the Onion, Lovie Smith Becomes First African-American Coach To Lose Super Bowl.
My predictions for 2008
- America elects its first black president in 2008. Colin Powell.
- Hillary appears to have the nomination all locked up until it is revealed that she is having an affair with Newt Gingrich.
- Someone shoots Cheney in the face. Bush appoints McCain as VP, then steps down, retiring to Crawford. McCain dies after winning the election and his VP-elect dies in a freak accident. In a split decision, Justice Scalia becomes president.
- Obama crashes and burns during the primaries. He never wins a future primary, but has a successful career as a game-show host after almost winning American Idol.
- Democrats make history, but the president isn’t black or a woman. He’s Hispanic. (Okay, that one’s not quite so wild.)
- Kerry flip-flops and decides that he really does want to run for president.
- Unity08 puts forth a Bill Richardson-Ghost of Teddy Roosevelt ticket. The vote is split, and Woodrow Wilson is elected president.
- After the surge fails, the Republican Party is in shambles. Jeb Bush defects and becomes Hillary’s VP, thus ensuring that America isn’t a democracy.
- Rick Santorum runs on an anti-macaca ticket.
- Al Gore announces that he is officially not running for president. He intends to focus on making An Inconvenient Truth II. Purists complain about rumors of a blond Al Gore in the sequel.
- The Constitution is amended and Schwarzenegger wins in a landslide. The amendment also contains the text, “Yes, there is a right to habeas corpus, Alberto Gonzales.”
- The Plame trial is still boring.
I’ve started reading the Dilbert Blog by Scott Adams, and it is occasionally humorous (okay, more than occasionally). Or rather, I’d describe it as more fun than funny. In any case, it’s entertaining. Today, he was talking about mild superhero powers, such as being able to know how long to microwave any food item. He invited readers to enter their comments. I decided to look through these comments because I don’t want to do my homework.
Lo and behold, I discovered this comment:
One thing I’ve noticed is that while driving down the road at night, street lights burn out over my head. This often happens while I’m thinking about a problem I have to deal with, but I’m not sure if it’s a message that I’m on the right thought path or the wrong one. It’s been a secret I’ve kept for years, as I’m worried that the Department of Water and Power might send out a hit man to reduce the number of bulb changes they have to do. A friend once said that perhaps god was trying to take me out sniper style, but had bad aim, I no longer speak to that person.
No way! When I was reading the comments, I thought about how street lights go out when I drive and then I saw that comment. It’s totally true. I’ve documented it before in this weblog.
Spill the wine, take that pearl.
I always thought it was: “Spill the wine, dig that girl.” Wow, haha.
Hey, TSA, it’s a fucking pocketwatch, okay. Stop flagging my carry-on bag for an additional check.
Since summer is nearing its end, I decided now would be a fun time for a Facebook status listlog:
- August is MOVING!!
- Kate is cleaning out her aviator of a summer’s worth of crap.
- Jason is announcing that the part tonight will be fucking crazy!!
- Tym is on campus all day.
- Sarah is listening to the clock tick.
- Cary is thinking of converting to Federerism.
- Matthew is going to be at work when his room assignment info goes online.
- Paige is missing her lovelys from school <3.
- Gina is missing her B______ 0:).
- Heather is counting the hours until she’s done with camp.
- Arash is is en route to baltimore via Raleigh, NC and a 311 concert.
- Ingrid is drinking espresso at Bully Blend’s.. w/ Jack Billion! (he’s at a different table) it’s a small world.
- Keshav is watching Zoey 101, hoping that Joycs (the puppy) will get a good home as she has been returned.
- Ethan is has eaten all the blackberry pie.
- Jeff is excited for Donatos.
- Terrence is remodeling.
- Cameron is sitting in CCJ 201.
- Stevie is exhausted.
- Tiffany is finally over the flu… looking forward to going back to hopkins!
- Bill is looking forward to making it back to Hopkins to chill with all you cool people.
- Shana is not looking forward to Friday. :(.
- Jessica is wanting to go home sleep, eat, talk to the fam and see Brian.
- Sean is remembered well at the Chelsea Hotel.
- Mike is a driver not a thinker.
- Shawn is concerned about Mother Nature. Mother! Nature!
- Ashley is listening to KMEL online cuz she misses the Bay.
- James is praying for daylight…of August 27th.
- Clara is probably still doing laundry.
- Winnie is debating the pros and cons of ethnic studies and theatre.
- Roy is done looking for a supplier.
- Christine is content after eating at the House of Chicken and Waffles.
- Jude is sucking in his gut.
- Ashley is thinking of Anna’s sweet lips…
- Elizabeth is in London.
There are a few gems in there, but none are as brilliant as mine:
- Shawn is a motherfucking snake on a motherfucking plane.
Today, I chanced upon a striking image, which I’d completely forgotten about. This serendipitous discovery has prompted me to change gears. You, the reader, don’t mind if I delay news commentary for a day, right? You don’t have that short an attention span, do you? Of course not.
Living in the Bay Area, I am exposed to some of the most wonderful weather in the world. (Except for this year, when we experienced record rainfall and record heat.) California doesn’t have its reputation for sunshine for nothing. The disadvantage of daily 70 degree weather (okay, if you believe that it’s daily, I’ve got a bridge to sell you…) is that you miss seasons. I don’t get snow. There’s no beautiful fall foliage. There’s sunny and then there’s rainy.
It’s different on the East Coast. What I found were some pictures I took in Balitmore, from my dorm window. They were taken throughout the year, in an attempt to capture the change in seasons.
This is when I first arrived, in early September. Bad angle, I know, but I didn’t have this planned until after I already had this picture.
Here you can see the leaves changing colors.
Now, all the leaves are gone. That’s why they call it fall, eh. Okay, wait, there’s snow there too. I’m not sure when I took this picture.
The rejuvenation… the leaves are back.
We’re off for summer, so I’m surprised to see that people are still updating their statuses on facebook. It’s especially surprising since the status expires after like a week, so these should be up to date. Here’s the list, bit of summer facebook pointillism…
- Anna is dying in Texas heat. Ugh.
- Jude is with the sun.
- Marcus is exhausted.
- Ying is back from Alaska/Canada and boy does she have a lot to say aboot it.
- Shana is loving summer.
- Dave is spelunking.
- Arash is back in baltimore.
- Mark is going to party hardy.
- Michael is at home.
- Winnie is sunburned only on her shoulders from warped tour and is hoping her aloe vera gel works.
- Robert is alone…
- Heather is the lady in red while everyone else is wearing tan.
- Kate is writing letters & addresses are lovely if you would like to share.
- Keshav is putting a picture of Midas as him!
- Jaclyn is craving Chipotle.
- Gloria is somehow managing to live on her own.
- Emerald is finding that it’s hard out here for a pimp.
- Raphael is sleeping with a kitten on his toes.
- Molly is watching the world cup… go italy!
- Kalpana is watching World Cup Soccer 2006 Germany.
- Monica is going to Lisboa, Portugal!!!
- Steve is still recovering from the Def Leppard concert.
- Amy is crying coz of worldcup finalz.
- Frances is very happy! :D.
- Stevie is at Cal.
- Alex is tending to the sea and the things in it.
- Cameron is partying on his b-day.
- Padma is ..
- Sean is at the pour house watching the game.
- Cassie is losing faith in her favorite store of all time, Macy*s.
- Paige is goin to see her love july 12 <3.
- Grace is at home.
- Jeff is pissed at computers that die by themselves.
- Eric is teaching k-6.
- James is wanting something else to him through this semi-charmed kind of life.
- Nick is lamp.
Ah yes, and me? I recently updated my status as well…
I must admit, I love playing those games that are really advertisements. You know the ones… On the internets… the interactive banner ads. I really liked this one where you had to kick these ninjas. It was actually kind of challenging because you had to get the timing exactly right. Well, today I saw the most bizarre game ever: Outknit Saddam.
What were they smoking when they thought up that one?
I dropped my pen, and I was gonna say, “Merde,” but I guess I wanted to say, “Fuck,” at the same time, so I started going… “ffff” and then it came out as “Ferde.” Wow, I’ve never made a bilingual language error before.
Yeah, that’s my favorite alliterative phrase… potty parade. Just came to me randomly one day. Best used when a group of people goes to the restroom at the same time.
so benjamin franklin. i hate bill o’reilly. carpet stain. anyways i was eating soup one day and it was really hot because it had just been cooked by some poor immigrant. However, it was really delicious at the same time, so i decided to bear with torturing my self in order to cater to the party in my mouth that i was experiencing. I ate the soup and i couldn’t feel or taste with my tongue for a week. i had to resort to tasting with other parts of my body.
If only I had all the great pictures of me… I need to go on a quest to get pictures of myself.
psychowarddotorg: Ever notice how similar pirate speak and ebonics are?
psychowarddotorg: I mean, in terms of grammatical structure
ttamyzarc: shiver me timbers and holla at my peeps
Upcoming weblog entry: Something relating school to Waiting for Godot.